The 'Rona Monologues

Playground sits empty on a beautiful afternoon.

No one is going to be happy with this blog.

I'm ok with that.
Someone is going to be offended, or upset. That's what happens when we have a major, polarizing event, where people have strong opinions and believe with all their heart and soul that they have a right to those opinions. And you do.
You do have a right to those strong opinions.
But strength of opinion does not mean right. No one, right now, is going to be totally correct.
So we might as well drop the sticks, lower our voices, and greet this trial with a gentleness and an ease that, though it feels counterintuitive, is necessary for our time.
And one day, when the playground rings with the voices of children, we can look back and have no regrets about how we lived through this time in history.

If all people thought the same, had the same perspective, what kind of a life would that be?

One of the novel studies I am teaching right now is The Giver, by Lois Lowry. It is an award-winning dystopian fiction, detailing the life of a boy who becomes the Receiver, meaning he has to carry all of the memories from the past for his community. It is a futuristic, very controlled world, where emotions, colours, and differences have been white-washed out, along with anything else deemed "dangerous", like snow, sunshine, hills, fire. Grandparents.
Love.
Pain.
Now, everything is safe.
Everyone's skin colour is even the same.
Disease and suffering have mostly been eradicated. Along with choice, and freedom. There is no sorrow, but there is also no joy.
In real life, in our present, crazy, vibrant world, people still have the ability to choose, and to carry two ideas in their head at the same time.

The Great Divide

Our new Covid-19 reality has created large divides. The opposing poles of those who advocate #stayhome, with ever stricter rules and guidelines, and those who want to #getbacktowork, limit government reach and carry on with life...well, the tension is palpable.

Every day my social media feed is flooded with information, memes, open letters, and articles championing the moral rightness of one side and then another.
Images of nurses and doctors slaving through emotional days in stressful hospital situations are juxtaposed with videos of empty hospitals and nurses being laid off because there's nothing for them to do.
Updates from government sources explaining social distancing guidelines are followed by the latest protest by citizens demanding the freedom to operate their dying businesses.
Photos of family members out for a walk or a road trip are sandwiched between outraged rants about those who are seen walking too close, or being in a store with a child in tow.

DO YOU WANT PEOPLE TO DIE!?!?! scream the headlines.

OUR RIGHTS ARE BEING TAKEN LIKE 1940's GERMANY!! the holler echoes.

So who is correct? Who gets to climb the moral ladder and pin the blue ribbon upon their chest?

This is everyone's story. 

 What we seem to forget is that there is no totally safe place. The virus is out there, and many people are going to get it at some point, just like every other virus.

I'm a bit scared to get it, to be honest. I've had pneumonia and multiple bouts with bronchitis, have had asthma in the past, and have a broken immune system that seems to pick up every little cold and flu that wheezes by. I'm not as worried about going to the store anymore, though, if I have to. 

I've only bought groceries twice since March 27. Hurray for me...! I feel a tad entitled to a prize of some kind.
Is there a prize for staying home the most?

No one wins, in these entrenched arguments, but in a way, everyone is right. 

The nurse who is exhausted, teary-eyed, face mask in hand, making her way home after watching a patient succumb to the coronavirus is right. It is entirely understandable that she will be angry when she pulls at last into her driveway and sees several kids playing together in the street. What if it was one of those inconsiderate families that accidentally infected the elderly woman who died today? Whose ashen face she watched the sheet be slowly pulled over, in a solemn, terrible ceremony that has become all too common? This nurse has a right to mourn, and a right to be angry. 

Nothing is fair, right now. 

Because those kids have a father, who invested his entire life and the savings of his wife and his parents into a business that he doesn't believe can survive. He is sobbing right now in the arms of his wife, as they see the last shred of hope float away with the latest government decree that no, we won't be getting back to normal for weeks, months - a year. So they sent the kids outside, to have some time to call employees, employees who have been waiting and wondering every day, asking for some hope of their own to offer their families. And then to call their parents and explain as best they can. The kids are alarmed at hearing dad cry, and run obediently outside to play . They don't understand that they can't be on the swings with their friends. They don't understand why the neighbor lady just glared at them and then slammed her car door shut. 

Every person and family has a story. A real, honest, legitimate story of hope, heartache, fear, or loss. 

Someone is terrified for an elderly parent or an immunocompromised child. 

Someone else is worried for their daughter who hasn't come out of her room for 30 days, and looks drawn, eyes caged by dark circles, not sleeping, barely eating. Definitely not doing school work. Should they take her to the doctor? Will they get in trouble if they do? 

Celebrities... Please Go Away. 

And during all of this we are subjected to the philosophical or pious humanitarian entreaties of celebrities. They smile and wave from large estates, tanned, a swimming pool in the background. Enough money to safely weather any number of months of this. Groceries and meals dropped off at the door. And they ask us to do the right thing, to be good and loyal citizens such as themselves! Why, yesterday they had to load the dishwasher, and figure out the garage-door-opener-thingy! Alone! Tragic.

Truly a rather tone-deaf spectacle. 

(I'm admittedly secretly fascinated by the botox and lip injection divas...it will be interesting to see their lips and foreheads gradually resume a more er, normal shape. Kylie Jenner...we are watching you!) 

No one who is sad that their butler had to go home should be preaching anything to the rest of the world. 

Ok, I think I'm done with my rabbit trail. It was a moment of selfish, ranting indulgence.... I feel slightly guilty, but a bit appeased.

What is Living?

Which is most valuable - to stay alive, or to have quality of life? 

An awful question, reminiscent of horrible times in history or great ethical conundrums. 

May I propose to you that everyone thinks quality of life is important, until their own personal survival comes into question. And then, we are all about staying alive. 

Could we hold two opposing thoughts in our heads for a minute? Consider. 

There are those who would rather face death than have everything they care about in life taken away. 

Hear me out. 

There are those who would rather get the virus than see the life work of generations be wiped out. 

As well, there are many who know they will face the virus anyway, and are fighting to preserve the very life-blood of their communities and the survival of many vulnerable people, people who are looking to them to provide a way forward. 

Here is my point. 

If you are still getting a paycheck, if you have steady food in your fridge, you do not have the right to tell those who are losing everything that they must stay home.

Yes, that goes for Justin Trudeau, too. 

People who have a steady salary and have experienced little to no loss should not be making the decisions for all Canadians. 

About what I said before, the thing with everyone being right, in their way? There is one exception. 

Tattle-tales and snitches. 

These types are going to have to remember who they want to be when this is over, and the neighborhood informant is not going to be a fun label to live with. 

Could be a lady posting pictures to social media exposing "what those kids are up to". Good work, Sherlock, maybe you'll get promoted. 

Or someone calling the police on the house across the street who has a few too many cars outside on Easter weekend. Hmmm...Mighty neighborly, mighty neighborly.  

I have patience for a lot of dumb stuff, maybe some misguided ideas, possibly some emotions running high. But telling on your fellow citizens? Nope. Line gets drawn there. 

I have zero patience for people peeking around curtains with malicious intent. Please, find something to do. Take up embroidery, learn a language, anything. But leave people alone. This will not lead to good things for you, I promise. 

We all need to adopt the medical motto of "Do no harm" until this is over. Do no harm to your neighbor's reputation, do no harm to your grocery store clerk, do no harm to people just trying to survive in their own way. 

Day after day, a silent basketball pad under blue skies

Which way do we go?

Yes, we all have a story. Even the government has a tale to tell. Imagine being responsible to make decisions for vast numbers of people, right now. And either way, you know you will be weighed in the balance and found wanting. 

If you shut down all business and hope of re-starting the economy, there will be literally dozens if not hundreds of suicides blamed squarely on your terrible decision. Yet, if you let even one park or non-essential business stay open, the death of someone's loved one by covid-19 will be laid at your feet. Either way, it's a losing game. Let's take it easy on our leaders, or at least give them some credit. The government is like a parent - if they relax the rules, they fear the worst. Government leaders have to rule in favor of saving the most lives possible. This is the the err on the side of caution that assumes citizens are fairly helpless and need as much direction as possible. It assumes we are like toddlers, not grown adults. We can give government the benefit of the doubt, but we do still live in a free country, the "true North strong and free". In the end, after all the regulations are sent out and the tickets are given, citizens have the right to live as they see wise and fitting for their situation. I believe that in the coming days we will see more and more citizens exercising those very freedoms, no matter what peeping neighbors or facebook keyboard warriors have to say. 

Life without freedom is not worth living for very long. 

I pray we all can be kind, generous, caring and yes, safe. Which is more important? To be safe? 

Or to survive? 

The coming days will tell which of those questions carries more weight. 

The Tipping Point

The Fine Line...how long until we cross it?

As the saying goes, there's a fine line between _____ and _____.

You pick. Safety and control. Freedom and oppression. Genius and insanity, right and wrong. Staying well and losing our grip on reality.
When will we cross that fine line, when Enough simply becomes Too Much?

During this coronavirus lockdown, one of my only excursions is a long walk down an empty road. I hope that's allowed. It may not be. 

And while I walk, I tend to think, like Winnie-the-Pooh in his honey tree. Think, think, think. 

What I have been wondering lately is how long people will obey, stay home, not see family or friends, not even a sick mother or father, not take care of things that may be incredibly important to them. How long will the citizens obey? 

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not one of the naysayers; I do not delve into conspiracy theories or entertain insidious ideas about where the virus came from and what will become of humanity. 

I tend towards introversion, and never run out of ways to fill an hour. In fact I've barely watched Netflix yet....I'm saving that for when I am out of ideas. Or maybe I'm too distracted to focus on anything for more than 20 minutes - that might be it! 

So I should be okay for awhile. I'm not losing my mind, not yet. 

Usually, on the Saturday of Easter weekend, I'm waking up at either my in-law's or my parent's house. Or family is staying at my place and I'm in the middle of creating or cleaning up an enormous waffle, ice cream and strawberries breakfast, picking at bits of bacon left in the pan, thinking about the calories I may accrue with the ham or turkey dinner coming tomorrow and wondering if I'm too old to buy a chocolate Easter bunny, or if anyone will notice if I take a handful of mini-eggs out to the patio just now, with my coffee. 

The fine line is that narrow place where something changes into something else, where the balance shifts. 

I sense a tension and restlessness in the air, growing like the signs of Spring among the resigned stoicism and meek compliance of Canadians, obedient to what has been asked of us. We are responsible, we will hold up our end of the bargain. We understand that our staying home helps others, and is a good example to those who might be on the edge of making different decisions. The vulnerable must be protected, the sick cared for, and the carers lauded and kept safe. Yes, we understand.

But at what point does people's mental health take precedence over their physical health? I think of many elderly people, lonely at home, their primary source of joy in grandchildren or family visits taken away. I think of families who know they have limited time left with loved ones, and see the sand swiftly flowing out of the hourglass. 

Young people whose entire life is wrapped up in their friends, feeling depressed and desperate as time freezes but their inner world continues. People whose love language is physical touch not being hugged for weeks or months.  Or even the cumulative apprehension and mild boredom of the general population.

At some point that thin line will be crossed, and acceptance will tip, like a balance scale, into resistance. 

It is like when a mouse, or a large ugly spider, or even a more dangerous pest like a scorpion is discovered in a room. Perhaps the homeowner jumps up on a chair, or retreats to the bed or the far corner. They stay still - watching and waiting, at the ready! Adrenaline races and the fight or flight impulse ensures survival. Eventually, as time passes, the frozen muscles relax, and the person begins to think about moving around a bit, even getting rid of the pest. Perhaps it isn't all that dangerous. Maybe they can kill it with a shoe, or tiptoe out and get the farm cat (in the case of the mouse). At any rate, they aren't going to stay forever perched on the edge of a desk awaiting their fate. No. Other options will be weighed.

The lockdown situation is far easier for those living in rural areas. They might not even notice the pinch. They have fields to go out in, maybe atv's to drive or long stretches of gravel road to wander. Someone in an apartment building who cannot even go into their hallway or elevator without feeling compromised is having a much different experience. My heart goes out to those in crowded places, whose anxiety must be overwhelming. 

I could be totally wrong about this, but I think within the next two weeks we will start to see a push back from people. They can't arrest us all, that's for sure. We all have common sense and know how to stay away from others, so it isn't like we are going to link arms en masse in the street and sing Kumbaya or clamour for malls to open. We have to give people some credit for having common sense. There is a strong independence and pioneer spirit among Canadians, as well as politeness and respect. 

At some point the fine line between inertia and restlessness, fear and risk, compliance and curiosity will blur and become harder to see. I have utmost respect for health care workers, the sick and vulnerable and our essential workers. I also have respect for the rule of law. 

But I do know human nature, and I wonder how long we will pace behind an invisible fence, when those we love and the essence of life itself is on the other side. 

For what is living?

 Is it only keeping oneself from harm, or even keeping others safe? At what point will our collective mental state take precedence over these physical dangers? What of the trauma caused by a daughter not able to say goodbye to a father, or a couple married for 60 years, unable to share their last days? Is this not also dangerous?

I am not sure of the answers, but the questions continue to arrive. 

For now I sit in my kitchen and watch the passage of the sun trace a bright arc across the window, 

a sun that seems freer now than I,

though it follows the same path
since the beginning of Time.