On Women in the Church: The Sequel

My fear doesn't 

           stand a chance

      when I stand in Your love..."  

     - lyrics by Josh Baldwin

Writing about being a woman in the church was not my plan, but somehow I am compelled to keep doing it.

This isn't great timing because recently I have taken on more work at my church, and maybe if someone from there reads this, they will assume I am trying to usurp an authority or promote my agenda ... dare I continue?

I tried a few different blog post ideas, all quite interesting, yet - here we are.

Over the past two or three weeks since the first post I have been chewing on several responses, looked up as much information as time allowed, listened to podcasts, read sermons, read scripture, and talked to friends, mentors and family.

There haven't been any epic Aha! moments, no earth-shaking conclusions drawn.
However, there are a few significant realities that have come to the fore, and these I shall wrestle down and pin here for examination.

Women are Looking for a Place to Release Burdens of Hurt

Throughout the stories I have heard these past weeks runs a common thread - women need a place to set their burden down. To feel heard. To talk about the confusion, hurt, sorrow or shame they have been carrying, perhaps for a very long time. A sense of bewilderment pervades the often hesitant memories. 

This confusion I believe stems from two distinct areas. 

1) Not knowing what invisible line was crossed. 

Sometimes women in churches or other ministries trip over a wire they didn't know was there, and to this day they aren't sure what happened. They know there was an awkwardness or a downright hostility in some situation, but they rarely know where it came from. 

Perhaps someone felt threatened and found a way to shut them down behind the scenes. Perhaps rumours were started in order to discredit - rumours meant to "knock them down a peg". Sadly, it is often other women who feel threatened by their sisters in Christ, and seek to take a bat to their kneecap, to use a Tonya Harding reference, and take them out of the perceived limelight or competition. What a travesty this is.

We are all called to serve together in harmony and unity, and nothing grieves the heart of our Lord like these silly spats, these sibling rivalries. Like Martha with her sister Mary, we want to make sure everyone stays in their lane. In Martha's case, seeing Mary being taught by the Rabbi Jesus, sitting there at his feet in a man's world, was too much. And yet what did Jesus say to her? 

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”   Luke 10:41-42

Jesus was very clear that Mary was welcome to sit and learn with the others, even though this went directly against the patriarchal system of the day, where women were not even allowed to be in the same area as men, let alone be taught by a rabbi.

When we clamour to put people in their place, what we seek is control and recognition. Jesus was not having it then, and I doubt He has changed His mind today. 

2) The second area of confusion results from being misunderstood. 

I alluded to something in the last post that I have since realized haunts other women as well. This sense of shame comes from the "dangerous romance" idea, that any woman alone is trying to seduce the church leaders. That moral failure on the part of any on the leadership team is The Cardinal sin that must be avoided, and so women in general are avoided. And everything becomes disgustingly sexualized. The only "safe" place is to be a wife who can hide behind a husband. 

But where does that leave the single woman? The widow? The godly but abandoned divorcee? 

Granted, every church and Pastor needs to be serious about protecting the reputation of himself and each of the flock in his care. 

However, causing shame to a woman who is genuinely seeking to serve the Lord and others is doing great damage to the body of Christ. The Church happens to be made up of fifty percent women. How can half the body be rendered invisible and still be expected to function? 

Yes, set up good boundaries in your pastoral practice. But do not ever let a woman in your church be shamed, either by yourself, or another elder, or another woman. This request is well within the realm of responsibility for a pastoral leader. 

Shame, raised eyebrows, or expressions of disdain and suspicion are deadly arrows, capable of leaving gaping wounds in a well-intentioned, truly devoted woman of God. 

Misunderstanding can also simply be that any woman who has an idea, an opinion, or expresses herself assertively, is trying to take over the church. This mistrust of motives also does untold damage, rendering women in the church immobile. Numb. Static. Cowed. And ineffective. 

One almost wonders if the enemy of our souls could have a hand in it. 

Women in the Church are Not Interested in Taking over from Men

Not one woman I have heard from in the larger Church of Christ was trying to gain authority or power over a man, or fight for a position. 

Most women get along great with men, and care for and respect them as brothers in the Lord. Men have their own issues and battles to face in our current emasculating, feminist-agenda culture. We can address women in the church without dismissing men and their struggles. One set of concerns does not cancel out the other, though I have heard this as a reason to leave the topic rest. 

On a personal note, I don't have an axe to grind. In most churches I have attended I have been treated very well. Granted I have always been careful to show deference and be "nice", as unfortunately People Pleasing is a chronic problem with me. I have no desire to see any man demoted or discouraged in order to give women more space. It is not an either/or scenario.

Honestly, one reason it feels odd to be taking on this subject is that I've always had the attitude that it wasn't worth stirring the water. Men will be men, and women can just be content with the world as is. This was my rather anemic, not-terribly-brave position. 

Taking a simplistic stance doesn't seem enough, anymore. 

Women have the same Intellectual Capacity as Men to Understand and Teach Scripture. 

It isn't enough, either, for women to toss the burden of learning, grasping and discerning theology totally in the men's court. Why should they have all the fun? I mean ... responsibility? 

Maybe it is true that not as many women are interested in doctrine. Possibly. I doubt it. 

So why do so few pursue the deep study of God's Word? Or if they do study, tend to hide what they know? 

Making yourself less so that someone else can be more is NOT a noble cause, oh sister. 

You have the brains, you have the talent, and you have the discernment. This is not a gift only given to the male of the species. 

In fact, I believe it is imperative that women seek to study and grow in the wise handling of the word of Truth. Get a degree if you want. A Masters or a Doctorate if that interests you.  Do not shy away as if these riches are too much for you dear one, or conversely, as if you are 'too much' for these treasures. God has distributed intelligence, wisdom, and discernment equally among the sexes. 

Young Women are Leaving Churches 

Our girls are looking for places to belong and be themselves in churches, and are not always
finding such places. Teens and young women see the way things are and cannot visualize how they will fit in, in many cases. Either they are shuffled off to work with the children (which is perfectly fine and wonderful if that is their gifting) or feel that they must find a husband, be engaged at least, before they can fit in anywhere.

And so I have observed an exodus of young women from our churches. They cannot accept the role, grow tired of the expectations, and disappear. This is a growing and heartbreaking tragedy.
If they observe women not being allowed to have a voice, not thinking, not questioning, and only being seen if they have a husband and family, why wouldn't they opt out?

One of the most meaningful times in my life was when I was part of the Pacific Community Church worship team in Cloverdale, BC. We practiced in a garage. My opinion was asked often, even though I was young (21-23) and new at the role. We had to haul all of the equipment at 6:30 am from said garage to the school gym where we set it all up for two Sunday services, each around 500-600 attendees. After the services we re-loaded the gear like a large and difficult game of Tetris, compacted into that small trailer and then back to the garage. The leader took time to ask how we were, let us talk about our week, read Scripture and composed songs with us. It was a time of being heard and being taught, and I knew I belonged. Looking back I realize how significant that time was in shaping my future in the church.
We need to make sure our young people are seen. Otherwise, few will stay on for the long haul (other than to make their parents content).

Complementarian, Egalitarian and Patriarchal camps all claim that Scripture is clear, but Is It Clear? 

Reading the comments under videos on this subject can be terribly disconcerting. And downright depressing. So many "The Bible is clear. Case closed" comments, that I started to believe them simply because of the repetition, the steady drum beat in my head. 

"Scripture says."

"Leave things as they are."

"Women know what they need to do and that's the end of it."

"Stop disobeying God's direct commands."

"Paul made it clear; deal with it."

For all this time I have accepted that answer as well.

That God's plan is for men to always lead, and women to submit and follow. 

Deborah was God's Plan B, because Barak wouldn't take the lead. 

A woman can be used only if there are no men available. 

Women should never teach men, and certainly not from the front. 

It is better if a man does the Scripture reading. 

You should have the men pray. 

A man should always open or close in prayer. 

Perhaps Deborah was God's Plan A. 

Even a brief study of the Pauline Epistles reveals that if we are to follow Paul's directions thoroughly, then women should be completely silent in church. 

"As in all the churches of the saints, the women should keep silent in the churches. For they are not permitted to speak, but should be in submission, as the Law also says. And if they desire to learn anything, let them ask their own husbands at home; for it is improper for a woman to speak in church." 

1 Cor. 14:34-35 

The popular complementarian view of which I am most familiar definitely encourages women to speak up and have a role to play. So which is it? Can we take a little bit of what Paul says, what we like, and discard the rest? How is this clear? 

Is this verse addressing a specific situation (given the context, yes) and a specific culture at a certain time in history? Yes. The Bible is a historical book. It gives guidelines for how to treat slaves, because slaves were a real part of everyday life at that time. We don't accept that the Bible would condone slavery. And it does not, but the Bible does describe slavery in those times.

So why do some churches seem to condone the exclusion of women's voices?

(My church at this writing, Prairie Tabernacle in Southern Alberta, does not do this, I am happy to say). 

And yet - there is a principle that can be gleaned. Hermeneutics, my friends. VERY important. What is the overarching principle that is being expressed? Well I thought I knew, but I'm not sure it's good enough. If it was working, then why do so many women feel invisible in churches today?

Most evangelical churches have not actually defined the role of half of their congregation. And if they have, no one is talking about it. Ask your church leaders how they define the role of women in your church. Ask yourself the same question. I think we need to have a good look at the issues and not shy away for fear of offending somebody.

...Too Much for One Post!

Reader, I'm drowning. 

There are too many threads, offshoots, forks in the road, rabbit trails that must be explored. Verses to unpack. Theories to explore. 

The more I search the more there is to be found. These points have unpinned themselves, and are now wrestling with me!

Women encompass so many unique, individual colors: magenta, tangerine, violet, soft green, brilliant blue. Many gifts, countless expressions. Trying to be only black or white in order to fit the mold in church can negate these hues and leave women feeling lifeless and unseen.

And so, thank you for braving the waves with me. There will indeed have to be a Part 3, at the very least.
I am standing on the Rock, and He knows the Truth, He is the Way, and He is the Life. I can confidently ask and I am assured that He will lead, guide, and answer. 

Truly he is my rock and my salvation;  

he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.   

My salvation and my honor depend on God;     

he is my mighty rock, my refuge.  

Trust in him at all times, you people;     

pour out your hearts to him, 

    for God is our refuge. 

Psalm 62:6-8